Heart

I was able to talk your nurse today. To hear what has happen. It helps me understand more.

Your liver was the main cause. Throwing up blood. Not  necessarily something new. I know why. You didn't go in right away. You've been throwing up for years. I don't know why it never hit me. That something was wrong. You shouldn't have been always throwing up. Even without the alchol.

I don't want to know why... Why you didn't ask for me. The hospital. You would never go to unless you thought you would seriously be dying. On your deathbed. I hope you know. I would have came. I didn't find out until it was too late. Your spirit and mind were already gone.

Your ready gone.


He won't give up. And neither will you. Your heart it's strong. Your heart is still beating. Give me a sign or something if I need to be there. I am worried. If I go you'll stop beating before I get there. I am scared. Scared to see you. And frightened to see him. I don't think I am strong enough. I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough.

I am happy you have Tyler. Tyler will and can be there for you. Somehow, I don't know when. But he took over and watched after you. I know that now. I can sense he's love and protection for you.  I will be greatful for that. Always.

As your heart beats for the last times. I lay here wondering why and regretting. Not getting to know you. Not you as my mother, you as he's wife. But you. You deep down with out the alchol. Your personality your favorite things.

I hate alchol! Its worst kind of drug. It takes over and take some much away from you and the people who love you.